Dec 10, 2009

To Mam ..with LOVE.

I was having this wonderful dinner date with ma girlfriend(in pic wit her squash bat).
Statutory warning for guys:Don't look at that pic for more than 2 secs or ever try to google it!!!.

Suddenly ma cell ringed..Shit it was the call from the Director of NIT Raipur which coincidently happened to be the director of the  engineering college where I already wasted my precious 3 n half teenage years."Hello Dhruv please suggest me 10 reformings which I can make out in the college to make a better environment for my students to study".Calm n eased, below are the 10 suggestions which I gave her:

1.Make jeans compulsory for gals inside college campus:

Seriously dude we can't go to the college everyday in an ebriated state.

Ok fine I agree that gals can't come to a college in their Victoria's secret dresses but atleast they can drop their burqas.By the way recent surveys revealed that girls in jeans can remember more than girls in salwar-suit.How true...
Boys too will make every attempt to attend their classes hence no one will be detained for low attendence.Cheerz.

2.Replace the male bodyguards in the hostels by female bodyguards:

I find the hostellers alwayz complaining that the male bodyguards in their hostels are die-hard gays and they would make lewd gestures to evry single boy in the hostel.Hence to curb their autocracies we demand  the replacement of male body-guards by female bodyguards.

3.Open a night-club oops ..night-canteen in campus.

I alwayz wanted to see a night-club cum discotheque in an engineering campus.Itz ma dream!!
We studious students hardly get time out of our busy schedule writing those ever-demanding assignments n projects during daytime.Hence it becomes utmost necessary for us to sip out some fluid(s) to revitalise ourselves.Shaking a waist in both clockwise n anticlockwise direction along with those karate sidekicks can be good for better academic performance.Discotheque can serve the purpose.

4.Open air auditorium.

Brawls,love-birds tweeting,global-warming discussions,live performance n romances are better viewed from an open air auditorium.e-classroom is too reserve n choking.I was nearly choked to death after hearing to Shweta Panditz performance once inside the e-classroom.An 20 ftsquare open air auditorium or closed air-auditorium(only for couples) are utmost necessary for us.

5.Extend the outdoor timings for gals upto  1 a.m.

I find a lot of ma friends who are gals complaining that they are unable to enjoy the real night-life of Raipur becoz of the stringent policies of their hostels."Mam they are going to be the future engineers of India who have to do perform night-shifts most of the time".
Allow them to njoy till 1 am.Don't cage those birds....
Guantanamo Bay inmates enjoy more freedom than them.....

6.Boys can visit gals hostels and viceversa.

Conducting exams inside hostels of NIT Raipur during the mid-sem of 2008-09 session had emitted many harmful radiations.One such effect was girls were very eager to find out what lies behind that enigmatic rooms of the boys hostels after they got the taste of sightseeing those Mughal era monuments.
Btw Co-studying is very interesting n handful.The ever-surprising theorems n deductions just melt out when u discuss it with any gal.

The Director should now seriously think of conducting our next exam in girls hostels so that we boys too can clear some of our doubts(??).....

7. Replace the old toothless professors with sexy female adhocs .

Old professors+ bald heads--->crap lectures---->bad academic career--->bad engineers.
Sexy professors+khule bal ---->awesome lectures--->awesome academic career--->awesome engineers.
Problem solved.

8.Provide Internet n LAN connection in hostels.

Pendrives,CDs, floppy drives are past for sharing and storing those valuable movies n Shasha Grey stuffs.Life without internet is like living without consuming those polio drops in our childhood i.e handicapped.On the flipside gamers like me often have to contact Reliance gaming world to play lan matches.Itz hard time over here dudes.

9.Open an Mc Donalds outlet inside campus.

Burgers in Raipur are like eating two piece of bread sandwiching dogshit in of ma friend described it biologically n physically too.Pizzas are far worse than burgers.WTF..people over here haven't heard abt French-fries So how do you expect us to live  n study hard without getting those main supplements for growth??
Mr CEO of Mc Donald's ,if you are reading this post do contact me soon.

10.Swimming pool:

Comon we all know that Raipur is  drier n hotter than El Azizia.Apart from icecreams n sunscreens, swimming pools are very much necessary to cool off in such a harsh climatic condition.Ok fine ,gals and middle genders can have different timings if they want.

My girlfriend was so much impressed with ma suggestions that she planted something soft n shiny on ma cheeks and asked me "Dhruv give me 10 reasons why you love me".
Shit I m fcked now!!!


Shivam Maheshwari said...

'm lovin it!

Great Post....Certainly great....

Agar aisa sach mein ho gaya to.........gosh....maza hi aa jayega!!!!

Shiva said...

ROFFL . 1Mp^L3 .

Vishnu said...

lmao.. u shd be appointed as the director personal assistant.. if u dont get placed.. now u got 2 options..
one lecturer in our coll.. or PA of director..