Dec 16, 2009

LILY plz don't be SILLY



Itz campus season at every engineering college.

Campus season:A season in engineering college where students wear their fresh new formal suits ranging from Raymonds to Ganjilal Babalal brands and tries their best to outsmart their counterparts infront of the company representatives.THe season may range from 1 day -12 months.Liquor shop's sales rise significantly during campus season.

Wait I am still unemployed.But I am confident that someday someone will realise my inner potential and say "You are the one whom we wanted".
So I made my nine-month planning of my salary inorder to minimize the risk of any financial leakage.



For people who are too lazy to move their head towards their computer screen by a few inches here is wht I have planned of my salary:

In Indian Rupees ------------------- for

6000 --------------------------------------Fooding and lodging.<----->*;
2000 --------------------------------------Beer. 
5000 --------------------------------------Girlfriend.
5000(mim)------------------------------Gharwale.
5000---------------------------------------Savings. < ----------------->*;
5000---------------------------------------Petrol+Mobile Bills+clothes.


I know I know u people have a lot to suggest.Thatz why the comment tag is below.I will be looking forward to it.
Newayz I made this plan and sticked to my homemade-noticeboard(in pic).I get a very persuasive energy to study every time I see it.Not only me other inmates of ma hostel use to visit evry now and then to have a "DARSHAN" of ma noticeboard.
So I discussed my nine-month plan(don't misinterpret with the other) with Lily.
Who is Lily??????
Well Lily is ma evergreen girlfriend for the last 23 years.She was born just a day after me.We were born in the same nursing cabin.I still remember my second day in ma world.I was crying because I thought it was cool.Crying and crying as I tilted my head towards my right I saw this beautiful princess smiling at me.It was love at first sight.I never cried after that.
Soon Lily and me were in love.We had dreamed;we had ambitions;we had wonderful moments which wouldn't be disclosed over here...

So I told her about my Dklogy of my salary.After hearing she was furious.I imagined her face.SHe may be looking so much pretty by now.
"How can u spend only a meagre 5000 to your girlfriend??A Victoria-secret dress cost a minimum around 4000.What about our monthly dream date at any 5 star hotel.U haven't included the cost of flowers and chocolates which u will be gifting me everyday..Blah Blah Blah....Dhruv U are such a liar.I will never talk to you.I felt pity..on her as well as on me.
Trash....my phone was disconnected.I tried to call ..no answer.
I quickly booked my tickets to my hometown(Lily's hometown as well).Thankz Indian govt railway for providing online booking.
So I m leaving for my home tonight.I know I can handle her.Girls love pampering.

NOTE: Happy Christmas and happy New Year to all of you.
For my batchies Happy Campusing.Hope the liquor sale will cross its all time record.
Cheerz.






Dec 14, 2009

MESS in Mess.

Recently one of my friend called me up after 22 years ..yes 22 years and in the process of discussion told me towrite something about about our hostel food in ma blog.
I thought for a moment....
Do my hostel food really deserve a place in ma blog???
So I called up a general mess meeting and we had a spontaneous discussion of 47 n half hours..
Everybody spoke; had one or two brawls in between among infinite number of verbal fights. Ultimately all came up with somewhat innovative and highly IgNobel idea.
"Dhruv will write something about the food of hostel B of NIT Raipur"...all the apes sang in a monotonous voice.
I m fcked.
I had no clue what I would have come up with but I certainly tried my best to squeeze out the potential juice of the mess.

Hostel food is very exotic n precious.Every single hosteller will hate to ignore this fact.
Here in our hostel(Hostel B of NIT Raipur) you can find the most exotic dishes ever made from chicken-paneer to pani-daal to deep fry male chicken testicles.

NOTE:Pani-daal or water-daal is a highly demanded form of daal where the major content of the mixture is water.Water content may range from 90-95 % by weight.Paani-dal is a fav among girls to curb down their protein intake.Male chicken testicles are only for the lucky guys .

Rotis made here are imported from some place over Bermuda triangle n they resemble just like the Dalmation puppies pressed to somewhat approximately spherical shape.

Sabzis over here are either zero oil or 110% oily(depends),free of salt n turmeric with fresh sprinkles of hairs of the mess workers.Rice is as usual white in colour with fresh aroma of "raw fish dipped in a patch of cat shit".
Daal is free of daal as I said before.I once heard that our mess chef(s) were once invited to Tarla Dalaal's show to show their exquisitiveness but they turned her down due to their busy schedule.
Rumours are there that the sabzis were fried in wasted motor oils,turmeric+brick powder(50%+50%)and the cheapest non-iodised salt available in order to cut down the cost and increase the flavour during the recession period.Hopefully the recession dawned n we are saved.
The video shown down here reflects everything.

VENUE: Mess Hall, Hostel B.NIT Raipur.
TIMING: around 20:35:22:12.
DATE : Today.





video


Disclaimer:Every single details and facts discussed are highly non-serious and the blogger here won't be responsible for any reader's suicide reason or likewise.Actual facts and figures are not disclosed over here for security reasons.

Dec 11, 2009

HOW I BECAME A BLOGGER

I loved this girl Kanthama(Actually I loved many gals in my life but it was only one-sided). I guess she loved me too.
I gifted her a Rs.5/- Perk on her birthday.She smiled n ate it in one full bite.Ahhh..it was so romantic.
Now she has a boyfriend n he is short ,dark n handsome.Well I m tall,fair n cute.
I called up her one fine day.Heres the conversion (with some editing) .
Tring tring...
Kanthama in pic below wit little make-up(look how beautiful is she ..I miss u baby).                                                


Me: Hello (in ma best husky voice)  
Kanthama:Ohh Dhruv..Hi How r u?? (Shit my voice is still the same).  
Me: Well I am good (in a very relaxed mood).
Kanthama:What are you doing nowadays??
Me:Well I am trying something really hard to win the Nobel Prize n someone's heart.
I laughed,she didn't.
And Blah Blah Blah...
Again a little blah blah blah from ma side.
Me:Do you love me??
Kanthama:Dhruv I have a boyfriend(in stern voice).  
Me:Imagine him as tends to zero(Laplace theorem), now will u love me??          
Kanthama:No,you were too bore.
Me:Ok do you like me??  
Kanthama:WTF the only thing I liked about you was your handwriting.  
Me:What can a boy do to win your love??(in the most desperate voice possible) 

Kanthama:Blogging.
Me:Sorry ..Whatz that??
Kanthama:Ask ma boyfriend.Hez the 3rd best humorous blogger in India acc to survey.
On the flipside I opened a new tab in mozilla n wikied "blogging".I started to read n chat.  

Kanthama:If you can overpower him with your blog I can be yours truly.
I imagined her eyes n her hair .They were so dark.(see in pic)


Me:Ok fine...I will overpower your humour-rich boyfriend's blog one day n you will be forever Mrs. Dhruv.. From that day I started blogging n thus I became a blogger.
Hope someday my Kanthama will come back to me n gift me a Rs.5/- Perk to me too..Ahhh..it will be so romantic.

Dec 10, 2009

To Mam ..with LOVE.



I was having this wonderful dinner date with ma girlfriend(in pic wit her squash bat).
Statutory warning for guys:Don't look at that pic for more than 2 secs or ever try to google it!!!.


Suddenly ma cell ringed..Shit it was the call from the Director of NIT Raipur which coincidently happened to be the director of the  engineering college where I already wasted my precious 3 n half teenage years."Hello Dhruv please suggest me 10 reformings which I can make out in the college to make a better environment for my students to study".Calm n eased, below are the 10 suggestions which I gave her:


1.Make jeans compulsory for gals inside college campus:


Seriously dude we can't go to the college everyday in an ebriated state.

Ok fine I agree that gals can't come to a college in their Victoria's secret dresses but atleast they can drop their burqas.By the way recent surveys revealed that girls in jeans can remember more than girls in salwar-suit.How true...
Boys too will make every attempt to attend their classes hence no one will be detained for low attendence.Cheerz.


2.Replace the male bodyguards in the hostels by female bodyguards:

I find the hostellers alwayz complaining that the male bodyguards in their hostels are die-hard gays and they would make lewd gestures to evry single boy in the hostel.Hence to curb their autocracies we demand  the replacement of male body-guards by female bodyguards.


3.Open a night-club oops ..night-canteen in campus.


I alwayz wanted to see a night-club cum discotheque in an engineering campus.Itz ma dream!!
We studious students hardly get time out of our busy schedule writing those ever-demanding assignments n projects during daytime.Hence it becomes utmost necessary for us to sip out some fluid(s) to revitalise ourselves.Shaking a waist in both clockwise n anticlockwise direction along with those karate sidekicks can be good for better academic performance.Discotheque can serve the purpose.


4.Open air auditorium.


Brawls,love-birds tweeting,global-warming discussions,live performance n romances are better viewed from an open air auditorium.e-classroom is too reserve n choking.I was nearly choked to death after hearing to Shweta Panditz performance once inside the e-classroom.An 20 ftsquare open air auditorium or closed air-auditorium(only for couples) are utmost necessary for us.


5.Extend the outdoor timings for gals upto  1 a.m.


I find a lot of ma friends who are gals complaining that they are unable to enjoy the real night-life of Raipur becoz of the stringent policies of their hostels."Mam they are going to be the future engineers of India who have to do perform night-shifts most of the time".
Allow them to njoy till 1 am.Don't cage those birds....
Guantanamo Bay inmates enjoy more freedom than them.....




6.Boys can visit gals hostels and viceversa.


Conducting exams inside hostels of NIT Raipur during the mid-sem of 2008-09 session had emitted many harmful radiations.One such effect was girls were very eager to find out what lies behind that enigmatic rooms of the boys hostels after they got the taste of sightseeing those Mughal era monuments.
Btw Co-studying is very interesting n handful.The ever-surprising theorems n deductions just melt out when u discuss it with any gal.

The Director should now seriously think of conducting our next exam in girls hostels so that we boys too can clear some of our doubts(??).....






7. Replace the old toothless professors with sexy female adhocs .



Old professors+ bald heads--->crap lectures---->bad academic career--->bad engineers.
Sexy professors+khule bal ---->awesome lectures--->awesome academic career--->awesome engineers.
Problem solved.


8.Provide Internet n LAN connection in hostels.


Pendrives,CDs, floppy drives are past for sharing and storing those valuable movies n Shasha Grey stuffs.Life without internet is like living without consuming those polio drops in our childhood i.e handicapped.On the flipside gamers like me often have to contact Reliance gaming world to play lan matches.Itz hard time over here dudes.




9.Open an Mc Donalds outlet inside campus.





Burgers in Raipur are like eating two piece of bread sandwiching dogshit in between.Ohh..one of ma friend described it biologically n physically too.Pizzas are far worse than burgers.WTF..people over here haven't heard abt French-fries So how do you expect us to live  n study hard without getting those main supplements for growth??
Mr CEO of Mc Donald's ,if you are reading this post do contact me soon.


10.Swimming pool:


Comon we all know that Raipur is  drier n hotter than El Azizia.Apart from icecreams n sunscreens, swimming pools are very much necessary to cool off in such a harsh climatic condition.Ok fine ,gals and middle genders can have different timings if they want.



My girlfriend was so much impressed with ma suggestions that she planted something soft n shiny on ma cheeks and asked me "Dhruv give me 10 reasons why you love me".
Shit I m fcked now!!!



Dec 6, 2009

Hic*-only for BEER lovers.

           Ok everyone loves drinking whether it be water,a cough syrup,tea or beer.Well people drink water becoz they  don't have any allergy to water,they drink tea because it contain so called anti-ageing agents ,they drink cough syrup because itz sweet n most importantly people (love to) drink BEER because it gives them those supermanz supernatural powers.
Drinking habit ain't gender biased nor aged-biased.But itz certainly a situation biased.U feel happy-u drink;u feel sad-u drink;u feel nothing-u drink too.
From my surveys I found out that beer  fans can be sorted out in the following descending order of species:
Dumpedpeople>Teenagers>Oldtoothlesspeople>Woogirls>
Committedpeople>Profesionals>Happy single dude>nursery babies.

Every single person got reasons to drink/offer beer but the most important of all is being happily operated by ugly aunts to get laid with handsome dude like us;some drink to puke while some drink to realise the importance of his/her life.

Why I love to drink BEER can be summarized from the few astonishing facts given below:

1.PLAY like a PRO:

After three 650 ml of Kingfisher strong(8% w/w alcohol),u actually become a true pro.
Beer+counterstrike=pro gamer.

Once I was able to mag down 5 opponents in a single shot after being flamed by these noobs.
Poor fellas didn't knew I was high.From reliable sources I came to know that WALLE(a pro gamer)) use to gulp 3 mugs of beer before playing any international matches.

2.Watch "Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi"  without aspirin.

Peer pressure made me to watch "Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu
thi " once.I was so much pissed off by that cosmetic covered faces that
I vowed to marry only that girl who hates Ekta Kapoor
and her serials the most.Recently this guy in ma hostel was secretly watching this repeat telecast of "Kyunki...." (fck that name) and I was so much high that I sat beside him and cried the whole night.I too donno why....
3. Do anything at 90kmph +


"When you r high u like to fly"-Dklogy V-3.f.
Advice:Don't try this at home.Instead try on busy crowded national highwayz and meet the most unexpected tragedy in ur life.
Someone truly said "If you haven't drived at 90+ in ur life you are missing something, and if you haven't drived at 90+ in an intoxicated state you will go to Hell" .How true!!

 4.Walk to remember.


I alwayz loved "walk to remember".Becoz that Shane West guy resembled me and secondly that Mandy Moore gal resembled ma ex-Gf...Shit the whole story is a copy-cat of our romantic story.Sue you Nicholas Sparks.Whatever ....when I get high I open up this "walk to remember" on the VLC player and get very emotional.
My father told me once "Boys don't cry".I follow his advice.....

5.Study


I am a to be chemical engineer guys.I have goals and ambitions too just like u people do.
I love studying.Yeh Seriously I love studying after getting high.It feels awesome.Recent surveys found out that most of engineering guys around the world pass their exams because they can remember the formulas better in post-drunken state.
Perry is God so are his books.I love Perry.Do anyone have any idea whtz written on the second page of the above book after preface??Shit I am such a slow learner......


5.Write blogs about the importance of BEER:
 Damn!!
Where is ma laptop screen??
Where ae the lette. ????
Shit am I high??...Why everything is so blurry out here??Hic*....fck.






Dec 1, 2009

Itz back

Nudity is a KALA(an art)-Dklogy v 3.1


The other day as I happen to read the local morning newspaper neatly pressed under the ass of one of the  hostel inmates , I came upon a picture of an old man completely NAKED in the front page who happened to visit Raipur to enlighten his devotees.Not even a single thread over his shiny skin he wore a smile surrounded by his so called fans .As per ma research he is the the first Digambar saint(revolutionary saint) in the Jain community and is a person wit great personality and humour.It is said that he talks and talks so fluently that the listeners listen through their life or soul by forgetting their breath .If you r really interested to know more about him u can follow the link http://www.totalbhakti.com/tarunsagar

His aim is to spread the philosophy of Lord Mahavira "Live and Let Live" and he choose to do it in his own style i.e being NAKED.Now what concerns me is that what is actually NUDITY??? Showing ur genitals is wht we use to call NUDITY in broad sense...It ranges from society to society , from region to region.Burqa, sari n 2 pieces are its different levels of nudity for women .For men we just need to cover the 15 cm area(flexible) below the waist(in broad sense).But if the human kind just fails to cover up the secret (conventional) areas , then they can be termed as NUDE.Shivsenas,MNS ,RSS and the various moral bodyguards may have different e-versions of defining NUDITY but I am not going into that discussion(I wanna live).

History:

When God created Adam n Eve they obviously were naked coz first there were no textile factories at that time and second they didn't know that they have to cover some area over their body.With time passes by Adam felt his libido rising but as there were no condoms available at that time ultimately Eve ended up getting impregnated.Their generations (they fucked their own sisters and brothers SHIT and HAIL...we all are from the same family Bro) were too NAKED at some point.Ultimately one day a guy felt that it generally hurts much more in the genitals rather than other parts of the body so he decided to cover it with a maple leaf initialy.Sayings were there that covering of genitals came into existence when a guy name Emporia Armani Sr felt that his genitals were unexceptionally small and he need to cover it for the sake of his IZZAT n thus came into the end of NUDISM.Emporia Armani Sr  become the trend setter and was the saviour of mankind.ThankU Armani.
But NUDISM is back again.Pamela Anderson,Aghori Baba,PETA campaigners ....the list goes on. see that pic on top right too..
Cheerz.